Sometimes I'm not so sure about the endgame of those choices. Especially when it doesn't always seem like I made the right call at certain points. I'm not really sure how to explain all of that though. That whole time is sort of a jumbled mess in my head and I can probably blame that on the swelling in my brain from the whole building thing.
I'm not sure about that. There's a selfishness that comes with wanting to keep relationships with people when I know I have this whole other life. That's probably part of why I still hold onto Elektra after all of this. She knew me.
Don't sell yourself short like that.
I don't know. Most of them seem like dumbass kids that saw Daredevil or the Punisher on TV and thought it looked like a cool thing to do. That's a social contagion at work.
You're human, Matt; we all fuck up constantly. It's not as if we can know how the future will unfold. All we can do is try to be true to ourselves while making choices and then see how things go. Having head trauma is not conducive to rational decisions, no. Did you ever get that checked at a hospital? I owe you one if you ever need to go to one that won't ask many questions.
It's also selfish to push everyone away without taking into consideration their feelings towards you, even if they're strictly platonic. So there's never really a clean solution that will make everyone happy. But between those options, there's one that makes you more lonely than the other, and that's also being unkind to yourself.
Was it also because Elektra could take care of herself better than most?
I was not...well, okay, perhaps a little.
Yeah, it is. In the world we live in, I can't fault people for wanting to imitate their heroes or feeling like the world is so unfair they need to help change that, but I worry someone's going to end up killed doing something reckless or stupid.
The problem is that when I fuck up, people get hurt. It puts a little bit more pressure on the idea of being human and all of that when I'm responsible for other people in my life. No. I didn't go to a real hospital but I had good care from the nuns.
Loneliness isn't really the problem when compared to the things that can be lost. I think if I had to choose between being alone and keeping people safe, it'd be a very easy choice to make.
There was that. But I think more of it was that she knew all the parts of me.
And when someone does something stupid and gets themselves killed, it's going to be hard not to take some personal blame for making it look 'cool' to a bunch of dumbass kids who don't know a fucking thing.
That's fair. I don't have a good solution to that either, since I'm in the same predicament. Nuns? When did nuns get mixed into this? I think I missed something. Did you go to church instead of the hospital after escaping Midland Circle?
That's really honorable. Also really depressing. [ But Danny can't really fault him for being willing to make that choice; Matt has made some really dangerous enemies during his career. ]
I see. Can I ask what made her so special that you felt safe opening up to her? It is because you have know each other for long?
Ey, no, don't go blaming yourself already for something that hasn't happened. [ That's the most Catholic thing he's ever ever seen, Matt. ] You can't take the whole world's weight over your shoulders. Just carry the present moment.
I got brought to the orphanage where I grew up and they took care of me. I wasn't in much shape to go to anywhere. I lost most of my hearing for a while, for one thing. But they took care of me. Sister Maggie will hold that over my head forever.
It's what it is.
Elektra knew that there was darkness inside of me and accepted that in a way no one else ever has. The problem was that she wanted to pull out more of it, but in the end, we'd worked that out and if she had lived, I think we would have found a place for ourselves in the world. I'll never know, I guess.
Daredevil is a social contagion. Patient zero for the copycat behavior that follows. Trust me, it's going to go badly.
Losing your hearing while already being blind must have been terrifying. I'm glad that at least you had someone to look after you in those awful times. Sister Maggie, is she an old friend?
I know. I just don't have to like it.
And now you think no one else would accept you like that? You're really important for a lot of people, Matt. And who knows, perhaps someday you might still find someone else that will connect with you. Perhaps not in the same way she did; everyone's different, but it could still happen.
It will do you no good to keep thinking about the possible what-ifs.
Let's agree to disagree on that. You're not the first superhero this city ever had, and you won't be the last. People have tried to imitate their heroes for centuries; sometimes it goes badly and sometimes it doesn't.
I still had some of it but not the kind of hearing that I use on a daily basis. I could hear voices and things in the room but not the way I'm accustomed to it. Ah, yeah. About that. So she was one of the nuns that raised me at St. Agnes. She's also my mother.
I think that it takes a lot to accept me for everything I am. Either it comes with ignoring the dark parts of me or not knowing about them, or not even knowing my whole life. It's difficult to share every part of myself with someone when I have to try to protect them from the reaches of my life.
I'm the attainable one. I'm not a god, or a tech genius or a super soldier. I'm just a guy who put on a mask. That makes me the flash point for this new crop.
Kind of like being underwater? It's better than nothing. Either way, it's for the best that it did not last and you recovered fully. Mother, as in adoptive mother?
Maybe, but I can assure you that some would still be willing. I am. Even if we only consider things from a strictly platonic point of view, I'd like to know all of you.
Oh, now you are the one putting yourself down. Do you think that what you do is in any way attainable? I know it might give some foolish people that impression, but you've been training your skills all your life, and you're not just a guy. Hell, I know plenty of martial art masters who couldn't hold a candle to you.
Besides, you can't be responsible for other people being idiots. especially in New York.
Sort of, except I can hear better underwater than I could when I had all that shit in my head. It was all just swelling and dried blood. As in my actual mother. That was a little bit of a surprise for me.
I don't think you necessarily know what you're asking for.
No, I don't think what I can do is attainable without the kind of training that I've had and without my senses, but people don't know that. They see someone who used to wear a set of black fatigues from an army surplus and a mask that got a better suit but they still see someone fighting with their hands. That makes it seem attainable, even if it isn't. That's sort of the problem. Fighting street level makes every guy who has ever fought on the streets think he can do the same thing.
Somehow I feel like I should have known you can even hear well underwater, but I am always surprised. Ohhh, okay, wow. So from context clues I'm guessing that you did not grow up with her, just with your dad until he passed?
And I'll keep not knowing fully until you show me. Have some faith in me, Matt; I can make my own decisions. Do you think I haven't seen and gone through some shit myself? That I don't know how much of a curse I can be upon the people I care about? I'm not saying it would be easy, just that it's worth a try.
Okay, that's fair. People who bite off more than they can chew will always exist. At the same time, you also give people hope, make them feel save. Have you considered that?
Water conducts sound faster than air but most people can't hear better with it just because of how their hearing is. Mine is different so I can pick up the vibrations differently. Which is more detail than you probably ever wanted to know. Yeah, I just knew my mom left when I was a baby. I didn't know she was a nun, let alone the nun that helped take care of me after my dad died. Total mindfuck there.
This is purely a "it's not you, it's me" problem here, Danny. Trust me on that. My life is a fucking mess and I already feel guilty enough that I had to drag any of you into it with all of that shit with Elektra and the Hand.
Hope is one thing. Thinking that they should do what I do is another. It just feels like an ugly flashpoint and I'm not sure what to do about it.
No, it's interesting knowing these things. I like listening to the explanations and it helps me understand your abilities better. I can't imagine what must have been like to discover that one of your parents was still alive after so many years. Do you get along now?
I trust you. I also don't like you thinking that you're to blame for every bad thing that has happened or could happen.
I had already fought Elektra back in Cambodia even before I knew you two were involved, and the Hand and I go way back. They're the ones who caused the plane crash that killed my parents when I was ten, and that's how I ended up stranded in K'un Lun.
I won't keep bothering you about this, I promise. It's only that, when you think about it, our lives were already interlinked long before we met. What did Joy call it one day...six degrees of separation? Something like that.
I can understand those worries. I'm afraid there's no good answer about what to do. I also imagine that the Punisher won't be happy about having copycats either. How do you think he will handle it?
I learned a lot about the way sound and vibrations work to try to understand why I feel and hear the things I do. I was angry at first. I'm not anymore. We get along but it's never going to be one of those close relationships the way it was with my dad. She's always going to be Sister Maggie more than my mother, if that makes sense.
I get it, but at the same time, that's not the only chaos I bring into anyone's life. There's also the matter of Wilson Fisk still wanting my head on a pike and then there's always Frank on the periphery of everything. My life isn't clean and it probably never will be.
I don't pretend to know why all of those things happened to lead all of us together the way that it did.
Oh, Frank is pissed. I mean, Frank is pissed at pretty much everything in life so that's not necessarily a different state of being for him but he's pissed about his copycat fanboys for sure.
Are there any specific sounds that are more pleasant to you than others? I already imagine the really loud or high-pitched ones are extra annoying. That's understandable if she hadn't been part of your life for so long.
Oh, man. The issues with Wilson Fisk really are getting out of control. I don't understand how they let him out of jail after everything the guy has done, let alone how so many people support him as the mayor. Perhaps it's just me not fully grasping politics, but all this doesn't seem normal.
You don't believe in destiny, I take it?
That's bad, uh? Maybe what we should worry about is Frank breaking legs and necks if he ever finds them.
Probably the same as for most people. Rain and storms, wind. Things like that. I'm sensitive to high pitched and loud noises, which is kind of difficult at times. Subway track brakes, sirens, things like that are all harder to tune out. She was part of my life for a long time but under a falsehood and that's the part that I struggle with and continue to hit up against sometimes. She and my priest conspired to hide that truth from me for a long time and sometimes it's hard to forgive that level of deception. Not that I'm necessarily the most forthcoming person with a secret identity and all.
Yeah. Frank tells me that trying to put him in prison over and over again is a level of insanity and if I wanted it taken care of, I should've just killed him and been done with it but that's Frank for you. I can't really speak to why people voted for him except that he said the things that they wanted to hear.
No, I don't. As far as my belief structure, I go back and forth on God as the watchmaker but destiny isn't part of that.
He's pretty livid about the whole thing but he's pretty easy to piss off in general.
Then I think you might enjoy the sounds of glass wind chimes, furins. We had them around some of the temples, and it's such a lovely sound when it isn't too windy. I bet there are YouTube videos of them. Your priest, no less? I'd have trust issues too. Did they ever explain why they kept such a big secret from you for that many years?
Doing that would only turn Fisk into some martyr in the eyes of those who follow him and only make the situation worse. You cut the head of the hydra that way, and two more will show up in its place. No, it needs to be the people first who fully reject Fisk, but they need to really see what an irremediable scumbag he is.
And of course, there is the moral issue of killing people.
Fisk's task force is starting to get more active around Chinatown too; it's making the Triads nervous. That never bodes anything good, so I am also keeping an eye on them.
Makes sense. That's pretty much what I imagined.
Do you think he might be out there causing trouble himself by fighting them? Because if he's really that angry, I can't see this ending well.
That sounds nice. I should maybe get some for the rooftop or my balcony. They gave some flimsy excuses that I didn't buy at the time and I'm not sure I fully buy now. It was sort of an avalanche of emotion all at once and then Dex prevented any further conversation with my priest about it.
I'm not so sure about that, honestly. Fisk feels like a cult of personality that I don't know survives once he's gone. Some leaders are like that and I don't think he's built a structure that would live on after him with his underlings. At least that's Frank Castle's feeling on the topic that is what passes for pillow talk with him. Obviously he doesn't have that kind of qualm so I honestly think sometimes the only reason he hasn't taken a shot at Fisk is out of some misplaced respect for me.
I'm not sure all of the angles he has with the task force other than his hatred of vigilantes--which, whoops.
Frank's been less active recently than he has been in the past but I think the cops pretending at being the Punisher is starting to get under his skin.
Now I know what to gift you for your birthday. I'll get you the real thing; the fake ones you can find here in New York don't produce the rich, resonant tones of the handcrafted ones. I'd have been wrecked about the revelation too. Who's Dex?
Let's hope that's the case then, if he ever goes down for good. The lack of a strong candidate against him also didn't help matters when it came to people favoring him, and now it's all out of control. You both need better pillow talk, by the way. Something a little less grim, if possible.
Yeahhhh, not good. And I want to see how that will go if he ever tries to pull that with the big guns, like the Avengers or Spider-Man, considering how often they saved the day. Or do they not count as vigilantes?
They're all playing with fire at this point. Something gotta give.
That would be very nice of you. It definitely wrecked me at just about the worst possible time. Benjamin Poindexter. That's a long story too. None of it particularly good.
No, it wasn't a great election cycle to begin with and then he said all of the things that people want to hear about crime. At least when we're talking about how much Frank hates Fisk, we're not arguing. We agree on the assessment, even if we don't agree on the outcome of everything and what should be done about him.
I think the difference is that they all do those things with known identities. People like me don't exactly advertise or have a big building with a logo on the side of it.
I have a feeling it'll blow sooner rather than later.
Eh, that's what friends are for, to be nice to each other. No wonder, it's the kind of news that makes you reconsider your whole life. Wait, I heard that full name before... Oh, shit. You're talking about Bullseye.
Fisk is a terrible person, so it's disappointing that citizens can't see his true colors even knowing his past story. Even if he promises the moon, the guy's still a murderer. There's that common ground, then.
Not Spider-Man, though, but I see your point.
It will. We just need to make sure not a lot of people are caught in the collateral damage that will cause.
Still, it's appreciated. Yeah, I had some thoughts and feelings about that news, for sure. That's the asshole in question. I threw him off a rooftop.
I keep telling myself that the city doesn't know him the way that I do. That if they did, they never would have elected him. I'm not always so sure that I really believe that, if I'm being honest.
I don't think there's going to be a way to prevent collateral damage.
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I'm not sure about that. There's a selfishness that comes with wanting to keep relationships with people when I know I have this whole other life. That's probably part of why I still hold onto Elektra after all of this. She knew me.
Don't sell yourself short like that.
I don't know. Most of them seem like dumbass kids that saw Daredevil or the Punisher on TV and thought it looked like a cool thing to do. That's a social contagion at work.
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It's also selfish to push everyone away without taking into consideration their feelings towards you, even if they're strictly platonic. So there's never really a clean solution that will make everyone happy. But between those options, there's one that makes you more lonely than the other, and that's also being unkind to yourself.
Was it also because Elektra could take care of herself better than most?
I was not...well, okay, perhaps a little.
Yeah, it is. In the world we live in, I can't fault people for wanting to imitate their heroes or feeling like the world is so unfair they need to help change that, but I worry someone's going to end up killed doing something reckless or stupid.
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Loneliness isn't really the problem when compared to the things that can be lost. I think if I had to choose between being alone and keeping people safe, it'd be a very easy choice to make.
There was that. But I think more of it was that she knew all the parts of me.
And when someone does something stupid and gets themselves killed, it's going to be hard not to take some personal blame for making it look 'cool' to a bunch of dumbass kids who don't know a fucking thing.
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That's really honorable. Also really depressing. [ But Danny can't really fault him for being willing to make that choice; Matt has made some really dangerous enemies during his career. ]
I see. Can I ask what made her so special that you felt safe opening up to her? It is because you have know each other for long?
Ey, no, don't go blaming yourself already for something that hasn't happened. [ That's the most Catholic thing he's ever ever seen, Matt. ] You can't take the whole world's weight over your shoulders. Just carry the present moment.
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It's what it is.
Elektra knew that there was darkness inside of me and accepted that in a way no one else ever has. The problem was that she wanted to pull out more of it, but in the end, we'd worked that out and if she had lived, I think we would have found a place for ourselves in the world. I'll never know, I guess.
Daredevil is a social contagion. Patient zero for the copycat behavior that follows. Trust me, it's going to go badly.
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I know. I just don't have to like it.
And now you think no one else would accept you like that? You're really important for a lot of people, Matt. And who knows, perhaps someday you might still find someone else that will connect with you. Perhaps not in the same way she did; everyone's different, but it could still happen.
It will do you no good to keep thinking about the possible what-ifs.
Let's agree to disagree on that. You're not the first superhero this city ever had, and you won't be the last. People have tried to imitate their heroes for centuries; sometimes it goes badly and sometimes it doesn't.
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I think that it takes a lot to accept me for everything I am. Either it comes with ignoring the dark parts of me or not knowing about them, or not even knowing my whole life. It's difficult to share every part of myself with someone when I have to try to protect them from the reaches of my life.
I'm the attainable one. I'm not a god, or a tech genius or a super soldier. I'm just a guy who put on a mask. That makes me the flash point for this new crop.
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Maybe, but I can assure you that some would still be willing. I am. Even if we only consider things from a strictly platonic point of view, I'd like to know all of you.
Oh, now you are the one putting yourself down. Do you think that what you do is in any way attainable? I know it might give some foolish people that impression, but you've been training your skills all your life, and you're not just a guy. Hell, I know plenty of martial art masters who couldn't hold a candle to you.
Besides, you can't be responsible for other people being idiots. especially in New York.
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I don't think you necessarily know what you're asking for.
No, I don't think what I can do is attainable without the kind of training that I've had and without my senses, but people don't know that. They see someone who used to wear a set of black fatigues from an army surplus and a mask that got a better suit but they still see someone fighting with their hands. That makes it seem attainable, even if it isn't. That's sort of the problem. Fighting street level makes every guy who has ever fought on the streets think he can do the same thing.
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And I'll keep not knowing fully until you show me. Have some faith in me, Matt; I can make my own decisions. Do you think I haven't seen and gone through some shit myself? That I don't know how much of a curse I can be upon the people I care about? I'm not saying it would be easy, just that it's worth a try.
Okay, that's fair. People who bite off more than they can chew will always exist. At the same time, you also give people hope, make them feel save. Have you considered that?
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This is purely a "it's not you, it's me" problem here, Danny. Trust me on that. My life is a fucking mess and I already feel guilty enough that I had to drag any of you into it with all of that shit with Elektra and the Hand.
Hope is one thing. Thinking that they should do what I do is another. It just feels like an ugly flashpoint and I'm not sure what to do about it.
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I trust you. I also don't like you thinking that you're to blame for every bad thing that has happened or could happen.
I had already fought Elektra back in Cambodia even before I knew you two were involved, and the Hand and I go way back. They're the ones who caused the plane crash that killed my parents when I was ten, and that's how I ended up stranded in K'un Lun.
I won't keep bothering you about this, I promise. It's only that, when you think about it, our lives were already interlinked long before we met. What did Joy call it one day...six degrees of separation? Something like that.
I can understand those worries. I'm afraid there's no good answer about what to do. I also imagine that the Punisher won't be happy about having copycats either. How do you think he will handle it?
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I get it, but at the same time, that's not the only chaos I bring into anyone's life. There's also the matter of Wilson Fisk still wanting my head on a pike and then there's always Frank on the periphery of everything. My life isn't clean and it probably never will be.
I don't pretend to know why all of those things happened to lead all of us together the way that it did.
Oh, Frank is pissed. I mean, Frank is pissed at pretty much everything in life so that's not necessarily a different state of being for him but he's pissed about his copycat fanboys for sure.
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Oh, man. The issues with Wilson Fisk really are getting out of control. I don't understand how they let him out of jail after everything the guy has done, let alone how so many people support him as the mayor. Perhaps it's just me not fully grasping politics, but all this doesn't seem normal.
You don't believe in destiny, I take it?
That's bad, uh? Maybe what we should worry about is Frank breaking legs and necks if he ever finds them.
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Yeah. Frank tells me that trying to put him in prison over and over again is a level of insanity and if I wanted it taken care of, I should've just killed him and been done with it but that's Frank for you. I can't really speak to why people voted for him except that he said the things that they wanted to hear.
No, I don't. As far as my belief structure, I go back and forth on God as the watchmaker but destiny isn't part of that.
He's pretty livid about the whole thing but he's pretty easy to piss off in general.
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Doing that would only turn Fisk into some martyr in the eyes of those who follow him and only make the situation worse. You cut the head of the hydra that way, and two more will show up in its place. No, it needs to be the people first who fully reject Fisk, but they need to really see what an irremediable scumbag he is.
And of course, there is the moral issue of killing people.
Fisk's task force is starting to get more active around Chinatown too; it's making the Triads nervous. That never bodes anything good, so I am also keeping an eye on them.
Makes sense. That's pretty much what I imagined.
Do you think he might be out there causing trouble himself by fighting them? Because if he's really that angry, I can't see this ending well.
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I'm not so sure about that, honestly. Fisk feels like a cult of personality that I don't know survives once he's gone. Some leaders are like that and I don't think he's built a structure that would live on after him with his underlings. At least that's Frank Castle's feeling on the topic that is what passes for pillow talk with him. Obviously he doesn't have that kind of qualm so I honestly think sometimes the only reason he hasn't taken a shot at Fisk is out of some misplaced respect for me.
I'm not sure all of the angles he has with the task force other than his hatred of vigilantes--which, whoops.
Frank's been less active recently than he has been in the past but I think the cops pretending at being the Punisher is starting to get under his skin.
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Let's hope that's the case then, if he ever goes down for good. The lack of a strong candidate against him also didn't help matters when it came to people favoring him, and now it's all out of control. You both need better pillow talk, by the way. Something a little less grim, if possible.
Yeahhhh, not good. And I want to see how that will go if he ever tries to pull that with the big guns, like the Avengers or Spider-Man, considering how often they saved the day. Or do they not count as vigilantes?
They're all playing with fire at this point. Something gotta give.
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No, it wasn't a great election cycle to begin with and then he said all of the things that people want to hear about crime. At least when we're talking about how much Frank hates Fisk, we're not arguing. We agree on the assessment, even if we don't agree on the outcome of everything and what should be done about him.
I think the difference is that they all do those things with known identities. People like me don't exactly advertise or have a big building with a logo on the side of it.
I have a feeling it'll blow sooner rather than later.
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Fisk is a terrible person, so it's disappointing that citizens can't see his true colors even knowing his past story. Even if he promises the moon, the guy's still a murderer. There's that common ground, then.
Not Spider-Man, though, but I see your point.
It will. We just need to make sure not a lot of people are caught in the collateral damage that will cause.
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I keep telling myself that the city doesn't know him the way that I do. That if they did, they never would have elected him. I'm not always so sure that I really believe that, if I'm being honest.
I don't think there's going to be a way to prevent collateral damage.